PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
