Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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