eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
