My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
