Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize