ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
