I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
