I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
