it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
