So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
