if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
