so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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