I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
