god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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