There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
