On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
