hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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