her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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