at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
