Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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