i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are a genius and a whore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
