I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
