he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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