I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
