he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
false alarm, still single
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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