i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
