Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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