We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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