We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
