So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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