Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
