..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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