I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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