will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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