Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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