I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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