I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I forget how to act sober
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
