i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
