and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
