I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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