So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
