I hate your face
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize