ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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