One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
