Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
