Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
