I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They left me at home... I'm a liability
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
