I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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