I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
