Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
