clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize