Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
