Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize