sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize