So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
