What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
