According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
