Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
