Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
