my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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