You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
