went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
