waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize