I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
