honey bunches of taint.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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