Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
